Divorce GRIEF – A disturbance of trusted family relationships that changes interpersonal connections and the disruption of safe attachments can catapult a family into deep sorrow and grief. Extreme emotional and physical distress can come in waves – and, without warning. Unfortunately, the effects of conflict and divorce can leave each member of the family suffering – especially children.
Adapting to the changes of divorce and conflict can be complex and draining. Marital relationships that struggled with communication in the past, now become more complicated with changed alignments and interests for the divorcing couple. Tremendously sad are children caught in the middle of divisive, high-conflict divorce. Positive Co-parenting amid anger and hurt can be extremely taxing and difficult, but it is possible. With the proper tools and even professional support, your family can learn to build a workable and business-like relationship that focuses on what the children need rather than inflicting more hurt and trauma.
Seek Family Systems Therapy
Seeking a professional who specializes in Family Systems Therapy can give your family a huge advantage in beginning to build new positive connections. Family Systems Therapy is a specialized type of therapy that focuses on rebuilding family relationships and working through maladaptive parent/child alignments. Children should not have to choose allegiances towards one parent and despise the other. Family Systems Therapy encourages amicable ways to co-parent, helping children better navigate and adjust to the many unsolicited changes that come with divorce.
Start Positive Co-Parenting
Positive co-parenting can begin with you by putting your child first. By putting your child in the center of your focus, rather than the hurt and pain of the conflict, you can minimize trauma and even begin new relationship boundaries and systems. Here are a few ways you can start today:
- Let go of feelings of anger and resentment
- Redefine Your Family Unit. Teach your children to respect each parent in the new arrangment and to deal with conflict in healthy ways.
- Put the Child First. Do what is in the best interest of the child.
- Respect Your Co-Parent. the other parent’s right to participate in parenting practices- provide schedules, and school activities, allowing children to have access to both parents.
Join a Group for Co-Parenting
Child-centered, Co-Parenting Groups provide insight into how to identify the emotional and physical impact of the GRIEF trauma of divorce. The group discusses high-conflict divorce, gives insight on ways to change emotional responses, and the need to understand different parenting styles. Focusing on what we can control and re-building business-like co-parenting practice through safe attachments, and re-forming intergenerational family ways to deal with anger can help families working towards rebuilding safety in family relationships.
Unified Family Therapy offers Family System therapy, Co-Parenting, and Child-Centered Co-Parenting Groups that can support your family through this challenging time. If your family is dealing with co-parenting through a high conflict divorce contact Unified Family Therapy today.
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Continue Learning
Co-parenting with a difficult partner can be an evolutionary journey. Continue learning from professional sources to allow your family to reach a peaceful state again. Here are some resources Jody Sargent, LCSW at Unified Family Therapy recommends if you are striving to build a child-centered co-parenting connection:
- Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
- BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns by Bill Eddy, LCSW
- Empowered Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic-Ex: Setting Boundaries, Ensuring Clear Communication, Understanding the Narcissist and Practicing Self-Care by Harmony Fielding