By Christine Hubbard
The decision to start therapy often feels like losing a battle. You’ve tried for years to work through anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief and loss, or so many other things. And after hitting wall after wall, you finally come to the conclusion that you can’t do it alone and need the help of someone else.
And then comes finding a therapist.
Finding a therapist can sometimes be a hard process, and not knowing what to expect from therapy makes that search even harder.
If you’ve never been to therapy, it’s easy to imagine it as a quiet room with a nodding therapist who says things like, “And how does that make you feel?” on repeat. That is part of therapy—but there’s so much more to it than that.
Therapy is a lot more human, and a lot less scripted, than most people expect. Sure, there are “modalities” that we learn in school—CBT, DBT, ACT, and about twenty more acronyms that are just gibberish to most people. But those are just guides—roadmaps that therapists use to help people navigate everyday situations.
Sometimes the focus will be on helping you learn “coping skills,” which are simply methods to help you stay calm and think through high-stress moments. Other times, you might focus on communication skills, or how to “feel your feelings.” But the most important part of therapy is the relationship you build with your therapist.
So much of what actually happens in therapy revolves around the roles your therapist takes on to help you navigate your past, present, and future. Will we ask you about your parents and your childhood? Yes. Will we ask you about friends, partners, and your children? Absolutely. And will we ask you, “how does that make you feel?” Of course.
Our job, as your therapist, is to help you understand why you do the things you do—especially why you do them the way that you do. Like watching film after a game, we’ll walk through interactions or moments that may or may not have gone the way you wanted. We’ll break down each “play”: the decisions you made, the thoughts you had, the feelings that came up, and why it worked—or didn’t. Then we’ll help you come up with ways to move, or keep moving, in the direction you want to go.
Therapy is not about having someone sit in a chair, with all their diplomas behind them, and tell you how to live your life. It’s about having someone who supports you—without judgment, without ulterior motives—as you work toward living a more fulfilling life.
It’s not always comfortable, and it’s definitely not easy. But I promise you, it’s worth it.