By Matt Randak
Preventative Care
Far too often, I push myself to the point of overwhelm before I ask for help. I’ve noticed this pattern in myself, my friends, my family, and my clients. Why do we wait until it’s too late?
I’ve seen a lot of media detailing how we can improve our physical health and build stronger, more resilient bodies, yet, I’ve seen very little media detailing healthy coping skills and empathic communication. Honestly, I can understand this discrepancy. I train as an athlete and I attend weekly therapy. Both practices are important to me but they feel totally different.
To me, working on my physical health feels relatively straightforward. I train hard but I am also sensitive to my body’s weaknesses; I know my weak links are more prone to injury, so I take care to strengthen them while respecting my limits. Like I said, I can still push too far and get injured but then I always take time to intentionally heal. My community always shows compassion for my bodily injuries and I am afforded time and space to properly recover.
When I dislocated my shoulder, I had to get surgery and spent many months healing. My sports medicine doctor and physical therapist both encouraged me to continue strengthening my shoulder, even after I had fully recovered from the surgery. For the purpose of preventative care, I thought it would be best to “bulletproof” the rest of my body, as well. In the years following, I trained in calisthenics and climbing. Now, my shoulders are stronger, more muscular, and more mobile than ever before. I have fallen in love with training my physical body and building resilience. It feels good and it’s only become more fun to train, over time.
Mental health is different, though. I closely guard the most sensitive parts of my psyche; I can be reluctant to stretch, strain, or strengthen my emotional weaknesses. Nonetheless, I can still push far past my emotional capacity and cause emotional injuries, however, I am not always afforded the same time and space to heal. This is where my weekly therapy can especially help.
Some emotional injuries are obvious, like breakups/divorce and loss of a loved one. Other people often acknowledge those types of emotional injuries as grief that will take time to heal from. Unfortunately, most of our emotional injuries are not seen by others. We are told to “get over it,” “suck it up,” “toughen up,” “deal with it,” “life’s not fair,” “you’re overreacting,” “you’re so emotional,” “you’re so dramatic,” or even, “you’re crazy” or “what’s wrong with you?” Sometimes our emotions are directly invalidated by those closest to us.
I imagine folks would be more compassionate if they could see you were bleeding or your finger was broken. We all seem to agree that obvious physical wounds need to be tended to. One again, why do we feel so differently about mental health? We push past injury and rarely take time to heal emotional wounds nor train our emotional/mental resilience.
I hate to break it to you, but, ignoring all of your emotions and/or not expressing your emotions is not the same as emotional regulation and/or mental resilience. We all know someone who buries all their emotions until they explode. That is not an example of healthy coping.
Another significant challenge in all this is that mental health is not always fun and rewarding work. Like exercise, it can be painful and challenging, but you don’t get to see the results so overtly. Other people may notice when we improve our emotional regulation, coping skills, or communication skills, but it is often harder for us to see. It’s usually easier to notice a muscle growing or a small change in your physique than it is to notice small changes in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, over time.
Confronting our most challenging emotions and unpacking our hurt can be daunting and painful. It’s just like recovering from surgery; you may have to cut some flesh to begin healing the wound. Our lives are complex and full of novel stressors. It can be hard to feel motivated to do more hard things or even to find the emotional capacity for therapy to begin with. Too often, we do not seek help until we are already in crisis; emotional crises can be traumatic and cause further injury. We often hurt ourselves and others. Please do not forget, DEPRESSION KILLS.
If it is not clear, let me emphasize that we need to take our mental health as seriously as our physical health. Death, injury, and harm to ourselves are all possible outcomes from taking poor care of our physical and mental health. In the case of mental health, harm to others is also a common outcome.
It is unlikely anyone would argue against preventive care for our physical health but there still seems to be a stigma around seeking mental health care. Therapists are similar to doctors and physical therapists but for our mental health instead. Therapists can help you heal and build emotional resilience. It is never too late to start taking your physical and mental health more seriously. If you want to prioritize preventative care for your body and mind, we will be here to help. Please don’t hesitate to seek help.